Thursday, May 04, 2006

Overheard In Dublin

I heard about a website called from a colleague and it is absolute class. The premise is that if you are in Dublin and hear something funny you can then post it on the site. It is a very easy site to navigate with the most recent postings on the homepage. You can also search archives or by category (the Skangers section and D4 Heads section are particularly funny).

Hear are a few of the better ones I came across yesterday:

Never Ask What's Obvious

Some dude was outside Spirit nightclub one Sunday night and there was this obvious gay guy smoking in an arch and these two skangers were staring at him and after a few minutes they approached him and said:

SKANGER: "he-or Mister, are you gay?"
GAY GUY: "no, are you a knacker?"
SKANGER: "no I only asked cos ya look gay."
GAY GUY: "well, if ya had've told me you were a knacker, I would've told you I was gay."

A Face Like A Well Slapped Arse?

Another dude was down in The local pub last weekend and his friend (after about 7 pints and 4 vodka/redbulls) sits down beside a right skanger and proceeds to talk shite to her trying to chat her up! Now usually he would do well with the girls but after asking the girl does she want to hook up in the car park she turns to him and says ...

GIRL: "jayzus , ya wouldnt get your hole in the fekin polo mint factory!!!"
MATE: (slurring) "yeah feck off your rotten anyway..."
GIRL: (walking away...) "yeah well jazuz cumir I telya... "DES KELLY CARPETS WOULDNT EVEN LAY YA!"

Your Ma!

On the number 10 route headin into town from the Phoenix Park one morning, there was a group of five lads around the age of 10 goin to school. At Phibsboro four of them got off the packed bus and on their way down the stairs shouted to the one fella left at the back of the bus:

"See ya later Philly..." then they all chanted, "Philly philly little willy!"

Next thing heard from the back of the bus was Philly shoutin...

"Thats not what your ma says!", in his best high pitched little scumbag accent...

Inside Out

Two blokes chatting in the house of wax in a pub in Malahide:

Bloke #1 (taking a piss in toilet): "How did the divorce go? Did you work things out with the house?"
Bloke #2 (also taking a piss): "Yeah! We split it, she got the inside and I got the outside!!!"

Everyone in toilet cracks up...


In a pub toilet in Blackrock, where an 18th birthday was in progress in the function room. There were three girls (blonde hair, stupid tacky dresses, screaming, quiffed hair etc etc...)
1st girl: "I am so locked"

2nd girl: "I am so totally locked"
3rd girl: "I am the definition of locked"

Fag Area

A girl was at a gay night out a few years ago, with a male friend. They decided to go out for a smoke and her friend (who was wearing a dress, stilletos, wig and makeup) asked the bouncer

"D'ya know where the fag area is?"

Poor bouncer was still laughing when they passed him ten minutes later.