Hot Tamale (A Second Hand Conversation)

I don't normally post things on my blog that I see on other blogs (especially when it is a friend's) but this post is so funny that I had to share it with those of you on this side of the pond.

It is from a mate's blog in the States and it is a conversation that took place last weekend between him and another one of my college buddies.

Hot Tamale

I talked with a buddy this weekend and he passed along this story..

Steve: I was at a barbeque this weekend and later in the evening I went over to get something to eat and the host told me to be careful with the hot sauce that was out because it was especially hot. Some big 6 foot 2 in , 220 lb black dude was standing there all drunk and said something along the lines of, " That shit's from a grocery store, it can't be hot". The dude then grabbed the bottle and poured it onto his burger like it was catsup...drenching the bun and burger with this sauce.So the host tells him, " hey man I warned you", but the guy was undeterred and slurred, " I LOVE hot stuff" and started wolfing down the burger. Well about 30 seconds after finishing the burger the dude went totally white.Flick: Wait a sec. I thought you said that he's a black guy.Steve: Yeah, he is....like I said, the motherfucker when white. Then for the next half hour he walked around in a circle sorta like his left leg was 4 inches shorter than his right leg. And he was sweating....bad.

Dude: Holy poop !

Steve: Yeah...then he threw up. And he threw up loudly. Then he passed out and laid there twitching and stuff.

Dude: Holy cow. What did you do?

Steve: What did I do ? Well I thought, " I gotta try me some of this shit !" And I went back over to the table.

Dude: Get the fuck outta here.

Steve: No seriously, I figured if this shit put this dude down, I had to try at least a little bit of it. So I went over and put it on a plate. I grabbed some nacho chips, dipped it in the stuff, sniffed, and gave it a taste.

Dude: Well ?

Steve: The shit was mind blowingly hot. I ate one chip and in the next half hour I drank 13 plastic cups of water.

Dude: ahahahahhahahahah

Steve: Yeah, well that's not the end of it.

Dude: Uh-oh

Steve: Yeah, since I drank all that water I had to take a wizz. So I went into the bathroom and took a piss...but I didn't wash my hands ahead of time.

Dude: Oh no...don't say it...please to say it.

Steve: Well I went to the bathroom, and left, and went back to the party, no problems.

Dude: whew

Steve: Then about ten minutes later it started. First is was a mild itching...then some discomfort...then suddenly my penis was completely on fire.

Dude: What the fuck ?!?! How the fuck does that happen. You didn't stick your finger in your pee hole did you.

Steve: NO MAN !

Dude: Well do you think it rubbed into your underpants and then you were walking around....

Steve: Dude, I'm telling you this shit was like lava. Like habeneros grown in Malaysia or some crazy ass shit. I think the stuff was so nasty that it freakin soaked through my shaft and right down to the urethra. At least that's what that shit felt like !

Dude: What the hell did you do ?

Steve: Well I ran into the dude house and stuck my dick in his sink.

Dude: HIS KITCHEN SINK ?!

Steve: No no no...I went into the bathroom. I didn't want to get my pants and shit wet so I took all that stuff off, then kinda gussied up to the sink. I couldn't quite get it under the faucet, but I could redirect the water enough to get some relief.

Dude: Wait. So you ended up, no pants, no underpants...naked from the waist down...in some dude's bathroom...with your nuts on his porceline and your dick in his sink ?

Steve: This is so going on the blog isn't it.

Dude: Dude, I might have to start a new blog just for this story.

Warming Another House

Bear is the latest one in the group to buy a house and Saturday night was his house warming party. As you can see above he was delighted to see the number of people that showed up, bringing booze and gifts for his new gaff.

The spread was great - lots of food, beer, wine and of course music. As is customary, the entire party took place in his kitchen. After we ate it was time to get down to the serious business. Thanks to a (ahem) 'borrowed' projector, we were able to watch Pink Floyd's Pulse DVD (an Oct 94 gig from the Division Bell tour) on the main kitchen wall. Paulo took to the decks first and knocked out some 'proper' dance tunes while everyone settled in for a long night. After a while the crowd started growing restless and the whispers started, quickly developing into chants: "dance off, dance off, dance off, dance off"...

After Paulo's 'warm up' I took over the decks and provided the tunes for the dance off that turned Bear's kitchen into the closest thing to a 1970s Manhattan discotheque that one could hope to find in Dublin.



By most accounts Joe (pictured here) was by far the best and busted enough moves during the dance off to upstage Tony Manero on his very best night in his very best suit. It must have been the magic in that bottle of Smirnoff Lemon Vodka and the tea towel head gear.

The tunes were:

01. Soul Kitchen - The Doors
02. Magic Bus - The Who
03. Gimme Some Lovin' - The Spencer Davis Group
04. (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction - Otis Redding
05. Night Train - James Brown
06. Soul Man - Sam & Dave
07. Let's Spend The Night Together - The Rolling Stones
08. I Can't Explain - The Who
09. Be My Baby - The Ronnettes
10. Louie Louie - The Kingsmen
11. Twist & Shout - The Beatles
12. You Really Got Me - The Kinks
13. Start! - The Jam
14. Too Much Too Young - The Specials
15. Mirror In The Bathroom - The Beat
16. One Step Beyond - Madness
17. Rudie Can't Fail - The Clash
18. Ghost Town - The Specials
19. Pass The Dutchie - Musical Youth
20. Mickey - Toni Basil
21. I'm Too Sexy - Right Said Fred
22. Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now) - C+C Music Factory
23. Superfreak (12" Version) - Rick James
24. 1999 (Album Version) - Prince
25. Footloose - Kenny Loggins
26. 9 To 5 - Dolly Parton
27. Copacabana (At The Copa) - Barry Manilow
28. Eye Of The Tiger - Survivor
29. Livin' On A Prayer - Bon Jovi
30. Sweet Child O' Mine - Guns 'n' Roses
31. Turning Japanese - The Vapors
32. Cars - Gary Numan
33. Genius Of Love (Long Version) - Tom Tom Club
34. Juicy - Notorious BIG
35. Rock Your Body - Justin Timberlake
36. Billie Jean (Original 12" Edit) - Michael Jackson
37. Kiss - Prince
38. Holiday - Madonna
39. Groove Is In The Heart (12" Version) - Dee Lite
40. Groovy Train - The Farm
41. I'm Free - The Soup Dragons
42. Can You Dig It? - The Mock Turtles
43. Weirdo - The Charlatans
44. Whip It - Devo
45. Pop Muzik - M
46. Emotional Rescue - The Rolling Stones

Best of luck Bear and we look forward to your next shin-dig and dance off. I hope the gaff is nice and toasty now...

My Computer Is OK - Everything In Its Right Place (Again)

I went to the Radiohead gig in Marley Park last night. It was both my first time seeing them and my first time in the venue. Both were good but not great.

Marley Park is a good spot for a gig and the weather was good which meant that everything was dry. The only problem was that there was only one area to buy beer which meant that the queues were miles long which meant that it was nearly impossible to drink unless you wanted to miss the gig.

Radiohead were good. They sounded amazing and the stage / light show was brilliant. The back of the stage consisted of 10 square(ish) screens and there were two giant screens on either side of the stage that were divided into 4 smaller screens. For almost the entire gig all 18 screens featured odd angle shots of the band and equipment. There were cameras everywhere and the views changed for nearly every song. There were some shots of Thom singing from above his head and there were a lot of shots of the bands' hands while they played.

The lighting also matched the mood of each song almost perfectly. For the more up-beat songs they used red and orange lighting for the screens and for the slower, (at times more depressing) songs they used pale blues, yellows and greens for the screens.

The setlist was pretty diverse and included some new tracks which were a bit slow. I would have preferred to hear a bit more from The Bends but they did play a few tracks from OK Computer.

The setlist was:

01. Airbag
02. 2+2=5
03. The National Anthem
04. My Iron Lung
05. Morning Bell
06. Videotape
07. Nude
08. There There
09. The Gloaming
10. Pyramid Song
11. Paranoid Android
12. Just
13.All I Need
14. Idioteque
15. Lucky
16. How To Disappear Completely

Encore 1:
17. Like Spinning Plates
18. Bangers 'n Mash
19. Karma Police

Encore 2:
20. Everything In Its Right Place
21. Creep

I particularly enjoyed Morning Bell, Paranoid Android, Idioteque and both encores.

In other news, my laptop died again on Monday night. It happens almost like clock work - every 6 months it just gives up the ghost. Fortunately, I learned my lesson (the hard way) with my previous machine. It was a Gateway and I did not have a warranty for it. After only a year and a half the motherboard went and I was screwed. I now have a Dell Inspiron 5150 with a full next day warranty. Despite the bitter luck I have had in the last two years and the need to replace 2 screens, 2 motherboards and the memory the service from Dell has been fantastic.

So, I made the call on Tuesday and Wednesday morning I had perfectly running machine again fully kitted with a new motherboard and memory. That should keep me going until January or February...

Digital Kicks 005

The 5th edition of Digital Kicks has been compiled and mixed with love and can be listened to or downloaded from podomatic.com

Please be aware that when you follow the link to podomatic.com you can save the podcast locally on your computer or directly to an mp3 player by following these steps:

01. Go to disco_dave.podomatic.com
02. Right click on the Download link for the podcast you want to save
03. Choose Save target as... from the pop-up menu
04. Choose a location to save the file in the Save in: drop down menu
05. Name the file and click on the Save button

The full tracklisting and corresponding start times in the mix are:

01. Binary Love - The Rakes / 00:00
02. Juxtaposed With U - Super Furry Animals / 03:39
03. Beard - Blur / 06:48
04. Kholi Number - Brahmasonic / 08:30
05. Bathtime In Clerkenweld - The Real Tuesday Weld / 11:58
06. Tuxedo Rap - People Under The Stairs / 14:48
07. People Make The World Go Round - Chosen Few / 19:32
08. Chapter One - Djosos Krost / 22:43
09. Funky Cold Medina - The Frank And Walters / 27:17
10. Bit Part - The Lemonheads / 29:59
11. Cars - Katzenjammers / 31:45
12. Boredom - Buzzcocks / 34:31
13. Viva Las Vegas - Dead Kennedys / 37:22
14. It Hurts To See You Dance So Well - The Pipettes / 40:22
15. Hound Dog - Betty Everett / 41:29
16. Fragment One (And I Kept Hearing) - Kenneth Bager / 43:53
17. Cold Hands (Warm Heart) - Brendan Benson / 47:24
18. Let's Play House - Rockin' Rebels / 50:47
19. All-Nighter - Elastica / 53:04
20. Made Up - Zwicker / 54:34
21. Close Life Off - Tyree Cooper & Matt Flores / 60:03
22. Privat - Michael Mayer / 67:55
23. Constants Are Changing - Boards Of Canada / 74:07

Enjoy and thanks for listening!

A Brief History Of Funk

Origins

The word "funk", once defined in dictionaries as body odour or the smell of sexual intercourse, commonly has been regarded as coarse or indecent.

African-American musicians originally applied "funk" to music with a slow, mellow groove, then later with a hard-driving, insistent rhythm because of the word's association with sexual intercourse. This early form of the music set the pattern for later musicians. The music was slow, sexy, loose, riff-oriented and danceable. Funky typically described these qualities.

1960s

Only with the innovations of James Brown in the late 1960s was funk regarded as a distinct genre. In the R&B tradition, these tightly rehearsed bands created an instantly recognizable style, overlaid with catchy, anthemic vocals. Brown changed the rhythmic emphasis from the two-four beat (or backbeat) of traditional soul music to a one-three emphasis - but with a hard-driving, brassy swing. This pumping, one-three beat became a signature of classic funk. Often cueing his band with the command, "On the one!" previously associated with West African poly-rhythmic musical forms, diverse rhythms that all came together on one beat (which found its way through New Orleans during the slave era, was incorporated into military marching bands, picked up by pop/R&B artists, and thus diffused. In fact, JB hired a drummer from an R&B performer specifically for his intricate poly-rhythmic capability, which ultimately changed his music). While James Brown's 1965 Top 10 King Records hit "Papa's Got a Brand New Bag" is widely presumed to be the song that paved way for the funk genre, much of Brown's work in 1965 and 1966, though remarkable, still maintained the rhythms and approach found in earlier records. It was the #1 R&B hits "Cold Sweat" in 1967, "I Got The Feelin'" and "Say It Loud, I'm Black And I'm Proud" in 1968 that further defined the feel of funk. R&B #1's "Give It Up Or Turn It Loose" and "Mother Popcorn" in 1969 continued to solidify the tight rhythms, riffs and grooves for which funk music is known, setting the standard for James Brown's future work and the rising wave of funk to come in the 1970s.

1970s

In the 1970s, a new group of musicians further developed the "funk rock" approach innovated by George Clinton, with his bands Parliament and, later, Funkadelic, produced a new kind of funk sound heavily influenced by jazz and psychedelic music. The two groups had members in common and often are referred to singly as "Parliament-Funkadelic." The breakout popularity of Parliament-Funkadelic gave rise to the term "P-Funk," which both referred to the music by George Clinton's bands and defined a new subgenre.

Two bands in particular, Earth, Wind & Fire and Tower of Power, took the rhythmic power of funk and added to it more complex song forms, combined with large scale instrumentation - large horn sections, latin percussion, numerous capable soloists. These bands sold many records and brought the funk ethos to a larger audience.

Disco music also owed a great deal to funk. Many early disco songs and performers came directly from funk-oriented backgrounds. Some disco music hits, for example "Le Freak" by Chic, included riffs or rhythms very similar to funk music.

1980s

In the 1980s, many of the core elements that formed the foundation of the P-Funk formula began to be usurped by machines. Horns were replaced by synths, effectively phasing out horn sections, and the horns that remained were simplified from the patterns and hooks of the earlier funk sound. Horn solos were out. The classic keyboards of funk, like the Hammond B3 organ and the Fender Rhodes piano began to be replaced by the brash sound of new digital synthesizers like the Yamaha DX7. Drum machines began to replace the "funky drummers" of the past, and the slap and pop style of bass playing began to fall out of favor, often replaced by thinner sounding and rhythmically simpler keyboard bass. The lyrics and hooks of funk began to change from often suggestive and using double entendre to more graphic and sexually explicit.

Afrika Bambaataa influenced by Kraftwerk created "Electro Funk", a minimalist machine-driven style of funk with his single "Planet Rock" in 1982. Also known simply as Electro, this style of funk was driven by synthesizers and the electronic rhythm of the TR-808 drum machine. The single "Renegades of Funk" followed in 1983.

1990s

While funk was all but driven from the radio by slick commercial R&B and New Jack Swing, its influence continued to spread. Rock bands began adding elements of Funk to their sound, creating new combinations of "funk rock" and funk metal. Jane's Addiction, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Prince, Primus, Fishbone, Ronii, Faith No More, and Rage Against the Machine spread the approach and styles garnered from funk pioneers to all new predominantly white audiences in the mid-to-late 1980s and the 1990s. These bands later inspired the underground mid-1990s funkcore movement.

Since the mid 1990s the New Funk scene, centered around the Deep Funk collectors scene, is producing new material influenced by the sounds of rare funk 45's. Labels include Desco, Soul Fire, Daptone, Timmion, Neapolitan, Kay-Dee, and Tramp.

2000s

DJ Kub emerged in Dublin and played his debut funk set at Soul Food in Bia Bar on 17 August 2006. The set list was lean, mean and keen and included:

01. Bullitt (Main Title) - Lalo Schifrin
02. Runnin' (Rae & Christian Mix) - The Pharcyde ft Mark 1 & FF Crew
03. Feeling Fine - Sharpshooters
04. Keep Steppin' - Omar
05. California Soul - Marlena Shaw
06. (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction - Otis Redding
07. Grooving With Mr G - Richard 'Groove' Holmes
08. Vida de Otario - Antonio Pinto & Ed Cortes
09. Soul Makossa - Manu Dibango
10. Bring Down The Birds - Herbie Hancock
11. Crik Crak - The Lovers
12. Beat Goes On - The All Seeing I
13. Wicky Wacky - Fatback Band
14. I Got The Feelin' - James Brown
15. Son Of Shaft - The Bar-Kays
16. I Gotcha - Joe Tex
17. What Do I Have To Do To Prove My Love To You - Marva Whitney
18. Itch And Scratch (Pt 1) - Rufus Thomas
19. I Just Want To Celebrate - Rare Earth
20. I Want To Take You Higher - Sly & The Family Stone
21. Hollywood Swinging - Kool & The Gang
22. Can I Kick It? - A Tribe Called Quest
23. Root Down - Beastie Boys
24. Stroke '75 - Tower Of Power
25. Juicy - Notorious BIG
26. Ooh La La - The Wiseguys
27. Sunshine Of Your Love - Spanky Wilson
28. Sexy Coffee Pot - Tony Alvon & The Belairs
29. Don't Joke With A Hungry Man - Quantic ft Spanky Wilson
30. Peckings - Ballistic Brothers
31. Rude Boy Rock - Lionrock
32. Punch Bowl - Alan Parker
33. I Can't Explain - Yvonne Elliman
34. Funky Cold Medina - Tone Loc
35. Magnificent Romeo - Basement Jaxx
36. If It Ain't Broke... Break It! - The Limp Twins
37. Me Myself And I (OBLAPOS MODE) - De La Soul
38. Last Night Changed It All (7" Version) - Esther Williams
39. Mixed Drums - Andy Loore
40. Sport - Lightnin' Rod
41. Superfly - Curtis Mayfield
42. Superstition - Stevie Wonder
43. Hot Pants Road - James Brown
44. Brothers Gonna Work It Out - Willie Hutch

WMI

LONDON, August 17 - A public school teacher was arrested today at Gatwick Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Home Secretary John Reid said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the Met Police with carrying weapons of maths instruction.

"Al-gebra is a problem for us," Reid said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute values. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with co-ordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle".

When asked to comment on the arrest, Prime Minister Tony Blair, speaking from his holiday resort before the planes stopped flying, said, "If God had wanted us to have better Weapons of Maths Instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."