Survival

When you DJ some gigs are legendary. You can just do no wrong no matter what you play. Some gigs are really good - they contain a few 'off' moments or tunes but no one really remembers them. And then there are some gigs that are just about survival. I have had two of the latter type in the last 3 days.

Sunday was the fifth night for The Sitting Room. And it was quiet. Really quiet. In order to have a good gig you need an audience and you need to know or understand your audience. If you understand them, then you know that people go to a bar for different reasons:

* To socialise
* To pull
* To listen to the music
* To hang out and show their support (mates)
* To get hammered and forget about their problems
* Purely by chance
* Because they have to (accompanying someone they know)

The first 4 groups are relatively easy to play to. Especially if you know some of the people. You play stuff that you know they like and their enthusiasm / happy mood spreads throughout the bar.

The people who are there to get hammered usually don't even notice the music and you could play almost anything. But you do get the odd belligerent drunk who thinks he knows everything and won't leave you alone. Note: I am NOT that person when I am out drinking - really...

The people who are there by chance almost never take any notice to what is going on and the people who are there because they have to be are usually indifferent as well.

So, I know all about audiences. Now I just need one in Bia...

The set list for Sunday night was:

01. Jammin' In My Head - Intense & Molly Duncan
02. Umi Says (Ritual Session) - Mos Def
03. What Games Shall We Play Today? - Chick Corea
04. The Look Of Love - Dusty Springfield
05. Pure Joy - Dab
06. Just Can't Get Enough - Nouvelle Vague
07. Catch - The Cure
08. Ease Your Feet In The Sea - Belle & Sebastian
09. Knuddlemaus - Ullrich Schnauss
10. Let's Stay Together - Al Green
11. Sneakin' In The Back - Tom Scott
12. Revival - Martine Girault
13. Feel Like Making Love - Marlena Shaw
14. Where Have They Gone - Harmonic 33
15. Juicy - Notorious BIG
16. Runnin' (Rae & Christian Mix) - The Pharcyde ft Mark 1 & FF
17. Can't Stay With You Baby - Jimi Tenor
18. Keepin On (Piano Cut) - Lazybatusu
19. Our Lives Are Shaped By What We Love - Odyssey
20. Nobody But You - Esther Philips
21. They Can't Take That Away From Me - Frank Sinatra
22. Let There Be Love - Nat King Cole
23. Magic Moments - Perry Como
24. Almost Like Being In Love - Vic Damone
25. Breezin' - George Benson
26. Relax 2 The Max - Ohm-G
27. The Great Escape Under The Sea - We Are Scientists
28. Thinking Of You - Paul Weller
29. In Space - Royksopp
30. Take Yo' Praise - Camille Yarbrough
31. Husband - Ashley Slater
32. Happy People (Rhodes Remix) - Static Revenger
33. Cette Planete - JP Juice
34. Hide Me (Al Usher Dance Remix) - Grandadbob
35. Pets - Porno For Pyros
36. After All - The Frank & Walters
37. Everyday Is Like Sunday - Morrissey
38. Under The Milky Way - The Church
39. Do They Know It's Christmas? - Band Aid
40. Fairytale Of New York - The Pogues & Kirsty MacColl

Last night I had a gig playing at a Christmas party in a private bar called Odessa. It is a really good spot and the times that I have been there have always been fun. I got the gig through a mate who recommended me. It has been a while since I played a small party and I must admit that I had forgotten how much of a pain in the swiss roll it can be.

Aside from the usual problems and hassle setting up things went pretty well and I was ready to go at about 9:00. But the meal took longer than expected and I had an hour to chill out and drink a few beers. At 10:00 the lads started to filter up and the party began. As always I started off with a bit of jazz and lounge. Most people need a few minutes to check the place out, get the bearings and of course go to the bar for a drink. Trying to hit them with a 'killer' tune from the very beginning is never a good idea. I thought I was on to a winner and even had a few requests but things started to go pear shaped fairly quickly.

What I realised is that there were a wide range of ages throughout the crowd but there were two distinct groups: the lads and the women. No matter what I did or how hard I tried I was never going to please both groups with one type of music or one song. The lads wanted to hear rock, indie & hip-hop. The women wanted to hear chart, disco & 80s. And NO ONE (surprisingly) wanted to hear cheese. Needless to say it was a tough crowd and a hard night. But I earned a few bob and got to drink for free, so it wasn't all bad.

These are some of the conversations that I had throughout the night:

The night was only about 15 minutes old and I was playing 'Beyond The Sea' by Bobby Darin when this dude approaches me.

Drunk arsehole #1: Do you have anything more lively?
Me: Yes, of course.
A #1: Well, could you play it?
Me: Yes. You do realise that not everyone is here yet and people are just arriving, getting there first drink.
A #1: So? This is so lame. Can you not play something with a bit more energy?
Me: Do you have any suggestions?
A #1: No. Just something more lively than this.
Me: Well, would you like to have a go at the music?
A #1: No.
Me: OK. Thanks for the input (fucking idiot).

After playing about 30 songs almost all of them from the 70s and 80s I played 'Crazy' by Gnarles Barkley. Straight away this dude comes up to me.

Drunk arsehole #2: Do you think you could play something else?
Me: Like what?
A #2: I don't know. Something from the 70s.
Me: Well, I just played a load of stuff from the 70s and I don't want to get stuck in a rut for the entire night.
A #2: Yeah, but everyone here is old. They like the 70s.
Me: OK. Do you have any song in mind. I mean, it was a long decade.
A #2: No. Just something from the 70s.
Me: Grand. OK. Thanks for the suggestion (douche bag).

I played '9 To 5' by Dolly Parton. He wasn't impressed.

I then played some 80s tunes and everyone seemed happy. People finally started dancing. I dropped 'Billie Jean' because everyone loves that song, right? Wrong. Not this fucking crowd. The floor clears and another dude comes up to me.

Drunk arsehole #3: Hey, do you think you could play some hip-hop?
Me: That depends. What would you like to hear?
A #3: How about some Rawcotiks?
Me: I don't have anything by them (that was a lie I have one tune but would never play it to this crowd).
A #3: How about some NWA?
Me: Sorry, nothing by them either (another lie).
A #3: Any P-Diddy?
Me: Nope (the truth).
A #3: Well, I don't care. Anything. It's just the lads are really bored. We need some hip-hop to liven things up and get the party started.
Me: OK. Thanks. I'll see what I can do (fuck off).

I cued up 'When The Shit Goes Down', looked around the room and decided that I would be hung if I played that. So, I just played 'Loaded' by Primal Scream and everyone loved it. That, despite the fact that it is a really bad segue to go from Wacko Jacko to The Scream. Anyway, it worked and I just played indie and rock for the last 45 minutes. Finally, I had gotten through to them.

Now, you might think it is incredibly rude of me to speak to people like this and write about them in this way but it is not. They were all drunk and totally annoying. Maybe it is karma - I have given my fair share of abuse to DJs through the years. But at least I know what the hell I am talking about (I am kidding - I usually don't have a clue). I have actually heard guys DJing say to punters, sorry we don't play THAT kind of music here, you will have to go some where else. And then put their headphones on and completely ignore them. At least I have the manners to talk to them (a little bit). But despite the pain, it is actually good to have a gig like this every once in a while - it keeps you on your toes.

The set list was:

01. Sookie Sookie - Grant Green
02. Nem Vem Que Nao Tem - Wilson Simonal
03. Light My Fire - Astrud Gilberto
04. The Lady Is A Tramp - Buddy Greco
05. You Make Me Feel So Young - Frank Sinatra
06. Beyond The Sea - Bobby Darin
07. Comin' Home Baby - Mel Torme
08. These Boots Are Made For Walkin' - Nancy Sinatra
09. Respect - Aretha Franklin
10. (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction - Otis Redding
11. Money (That's What I Want) - Barrett Strong
12. I Saw Her Standing There - The Beatles
13. Louie Louie - The Kingsmen
14. Night Train - James Brown
15. Mr. Big Stuff - Jean Knight
16. ABC - Jackson 5
17. Jungle Boogie - Kool & The Gang
18. Kung Fu Fighting - Karl Douglas
19. Dancing Queen - ABBA
20. Stayin' Alive - Bee Gees
21. Rappers Delight - Sugarhill Gang
22. Pop Muzik - M
23. Viva Las Vegas - Elvis Presley
24. Jailhouse Rock - Elvis Presley
25. Rock The Casbah - The Clash
26. Teenage Kicks - The Undertones
27. Blister In The Sun - Violent Femmes
28. The Lovecats - The Cure
29. This Charming Man - The Smiths
30. Footloose - Kenny Loggins
31. Holiday - Madonna
32. Crazy - Gnarles Barkley
33. 9 To 5 - Dolly Parton
34. Upside Down - Diana Ross
35. Walking On Sunshine - Katrina & The Waves
36. Let's Dance - David Bowie
37. Got To Be Real (12" Version) - Cheryl Lynn
38. Billie Jean - Michael Jackson
39. Loaded - Primal Scream
40. Step It Up - Stereo MCs
41. Groove Is In The Heart (12" Version) - Dee-Lite
42. Girls And Boys - Blur
43. Groovy Train - The Farm
44. Lump - The Presidents Of The USA
45. Last Nite - The Strokes
46. The Bucket - Kings Of Leon
47. Mr. Brightside - The Killers
48. I Don't Feel Like Dancin' - Scissor Sisters
49. Smiley Faces - Gnarles Barkley
50. Outside - George Michael
51. Video Killed The Radio Star - The Buggles
52. Do They Know It's Christmas? - Band Aid
53. Fairytale Of New York - The Pogues & Kristy MacColl